Dating an Almost Married Man – What Do You Think?
Hi,
I'm going out with a married man, the way you wrote in your book "The Truth about Men and Commitment" this is exactly how I operate n things are doing very much fyn. Actually, they are great in such a way that he's started talking about making me his second wife. He is glued to me, he wants to spend more time with me than with his fiance. I am so in love with him but he does'nt know that coz I don't talk about my feelings that much with him.
His fiance knows about me but she thinks we're just friends. He even wants to meet my family but I refuse, he tells me everything happening in his life. We understand each other, we are straight with each other and we have a lot of fun when we're together. The other day he told me that he's falling in love with me more each time and everyday he spends with me, he say he just loves my personality and we've got a lot in common. What do you think about this situation?
Hi there,
Thanks for writing. Always glad to help.
When our emotions are caught up in a relationship, it is not easy to see the truth about ourselves. Strong emotions can act as blindfolds, causing us to create a world of complete illusion and preventing us from seeing what is real.
You wanted my opinion on this and here goes:
The world that you have created with this man isn't real. It is a fantasy world based on your own need to feel loved, valued and treasured.
There isn't anything real about it since he's not fully yours. You are sharing him with someone else. The feelings you have for each other is your own creation. It feels good because it is created in what appears to be compatibility and attraction but in reality if he is with another woman or engaged to someone else without fully disclosing this fact to his fiance, he's is a liar telling you a lie and what is being lived out are lies.
Now if you're willing to get to the truth, you must first find the truth within your own soul.
You have to know the truth that you are magnificient, sensual and holy. And within you is a holy union…a woman of beauty and destiny.
When you are able to find this or see it in your own mind, you will know that you have no need of a man who creates a world of quicksand, you will see that you don't need to buy love from someone by using your emotions and your body to get it. You will understand that you are IN LOVE..since love is in YOU..and you will know the holy truth within your soul that you are beyond extraordinary.
What should you do? Only you can decide to leave or stay. If you leave, you will leave the darkness behind and climb into a new truth, a new you, a new adventure and discover that you are the love of your life.
If you stay,you will continue to enjoy the pleasure of his attraction without the substance that can really make you feel complete.
Your Friend,
Nicole
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I really can NOT believe that you do this to yourself! I fully understand you being in love with a man that you have chosen and that you like, yet how can you disrespect yourself so much that you let yourself be nr2, or happy with being a second wife. He is a liar, he is a man who is not satisfied with one woman and as the story goes he will continue to seek all HE likes in different females. no one is perfect enough for him.
I understand in some cultures it is ok to be a second wife, but in that case the first wife APPROVES that he has a second one. it is not a secret lie. i also understand that people have different views of relationship.
In this case your relationship is a secret, you both are playing with wife#1's feelings. She trusts him and you, can you even imagine how she must be feeling if she found out about you guys? This is a lie! Why you love a man who lies to another woman? He is not worth even one woman!
And worse, you are fooling yourself. you really do not love yourself, how can you expect someone else to value you and love you if you don't even like yourself. he knows he is playing you. BECAUSE YOU LET HIM. he knows he lies to you BECAUSE YOU LET HIM. plus you give him the idea that it is ok…. WAKE UP! it is NOT OK!
Stand up for yourself! Value yourself! Work on yourself! You deserve better than that! And ALL WOMEN WHO ARE READING RIGHT NOW there are 6 billion people on this earth, there IS one that loves you deep, values you totally and cares for you truely with all respect and all support and all that you DESERVE! how to find him?
1. take good care of yourself, your health, your career and life. if you cant take care of yourself, seek help. Ask a good friend what clothes make up looks best on you, be the BEST you. Never tolerate negative thoughts of yourself and IMPROVE!
2. go out, but alwasy eleminate bad people form your life, not matter how much you like them, they must genuinly like you too! no bad behaviour, no disrespect!
3. go do a hobby, sport or other activities, meet people
4. try even online dating
5. go out with friends and family
6. EDUCATE yourself, this is actually #1 but i say it again IMPROVE and leave no room for bad guys!
these are just 5 basic steps.
you will hate me today for ruining your fantasyworld, but you will love me in the future for telling you all this for your real life!
I think Nicole knocked it out of the ball park. Listen to her, she totally correct. And if I may add my two cents, know your worth, girl. You are settling for one man whose shares himself with someone else, when there is about 2 billion eligible men on this planet. Lift your esteem in your soul and in your mind. Be a real woman, and shine.