Should I Give a Younger Man a Chance?
Move over Demi and Ashton….
Younger men are popping up everywhere, it's taking my world by storm!!
I've never considered dating a younger man before but there is a younger man who's been pursuing me for months so I thought I'd give it a try and went on a date with him. He's 26. For those of you who don't know, I'm 36. He's so freakin' drop dead gorgeous, he makes my hormones bubble with orgasmic bliss. I swear, he's better than a Brad Pitt look alike. I seriously go blank for about 1 millisecond when I hear his voice. The thing is…I don't know if I should give him a chance. What do you think??
I'm obviously intensely attracted to him, there seems to be a connection there, but it seems as if he has a lot going on in his life and I recently told him that I think it is best if we're just friends.
I said, “I'd like to offer you my friendship instead”
He said, “I would like to be more than friends with you…”
I've been seeing many guys lately, but to be honest with you, this guy just “gets” to me…in a way where I can't seem to get him out of my mind. Shit dammit…I hate that. I know you know the feeling because I've answered tons of emails from my readers with the same dilema.
I even tried going to the water…lol…wrapping his name with a piece of paper around a stone and told myself and the universe that I completely release him from my life. But he keeps showing up, he continues to gently pursue me and after thinking I was really done with having intense feelings of attraction for him, his recent email left me sitting down with a blank stare wondering about this whole attraction and why it's even there.
I also let him know that if he's just looking for sex, he's wasting his time. He said, "I want a strong mental connection" and wants me to go out with him again. He's asked me several times since our last date. He wanted go out with me last weekend, but I didn't go out with him that night. I went out with another man instead.
Because there is alot of attraction between this young dude and I, I need to keep alot of space between us. Don't want to get into something prematurely. It is good that it is slowly developing in order for time to reveal what is really there, in order for his intentions to become more clear, however, in the meantime, I asked him why he wants to be with an older woman. I drilled him on it. He said that he finds it harder to relate to women his age, that older women seem to have it “together” – they know what they want and he's not into drama. He said he's always been attracted to women who are older.
The first time I met him, after our date he wanted to kiss me. He said, “First date kiss?” So I reached over and kissed him on the cheek instead. If you're on a first date with a man, you should do the same. Even though I felt the electricity of the attraction that almost made me buckle in my freakin' knees, I had to practise self-government and , be in control of my emotions and manage the feelings of attraction that I share with him.
Ever so often when I think about him though, I feel an electric flash…
So I'm gonna give him a nick name..I'm gonna privately name him Mr. Electrical Flash…since he commands quite a voltage respond up and down my spine….and now I'm beginning to have serious fantasies about this dude.
When he calls his voice makes my beautiful heart skip a beat, but I act completely normal about this. I speak with him as though we're friends and he'll ask me questions about who I'm seeing or about my day. He wants to know details, but I don't need to reveal my secrets because some things are best left unsaid. So I tell him he's too nosey…and he laughs.
I'm gonna see how this all pans out…think I'm keeping this one in the background for now. I'm really not sure about this so I'm not going to make any quick decisions even if he's wanting something more and I'm having fun with the other men who are currently chasing me down. I swear it's the season for young guys too since they keep coming my way!!
So what do you think? I want your opinion…I know age is irrelevant…but I want to hear your thoughts. What do you think I should do? Should I give this guy a chance?
I need to get to know him more and I'm gonna have to take a lot of time to reflect over why the attraction with him feels so much more than a physical thing. I'm beginning to wonder what is his purpose in my life and what role he's to play on my journey.
Would love to hear your thoughts, leave your comment below. If anything develops beyond this, I'll definitely share more:)
Love,
Nicole
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he ought seduce you the way you really like him to.
@james, haha, trust me, I’ve fantasized about him doing MORE than seducing me…lol…wow!
The guy is mature enough, and the age gap is not that huge. I think you should get to know him better, friendship is good until your mind is made up. At the moment I think you are still scare and asking yourself if this is normal, bad or wondering what other people will say – friends and family. I think age is a number when both people are mature, if a 30-yr old dates a 40 yr old, i don't see anything wrong, they are both mature and therefore their decisions can be trusted. Give it time, in the meantime, enjoy the friendship and tell him to chill a bit.
I'm 29 (lady) and I'm almost dating a 61 yr old guy. I'm also giving it time, the feelings are intense, we met on fb, we've never had any physical contact because of distance. He's working in US and am in S.A, he's coming back this year, we've been buddies for almost 5 months now. We talk about everything, I also told him that if he's looking for s**x, he better look elsewhere.
I still think age is a number when both parties are mature, and 10 years is a small number for that matter. Perhaps you are experiencing this for the first time, so that's why you may be confused, give it some time
@Babs, I think you’re right, I should get to know him better. I’ll keep him in my back pocket..haha and see how it all pans out. For your case, alot of men who are 61 are in pretty darn good shape. Try to arrange a meetup though, you’ll get a better feel for the chemistry when you see him in person and let us know how it goes.
I'm 35 and lots of young guys ask me out b/c I look really young and am in really good shape. My Mom is 8 years older than my Dad, and at 70, she's still in better shape than him and is healthier. Both of my Grandmas were widowed for at least 20 years b/c the men died at 75, and they lived to 95. So if he's a good man, it doesn't matter what his age is. Some of the guys I've met in their 40s are the most screwed up ever b/c some other woman did them wrong or whatever. Give him a chance, and see how it goes.
@LC, you go girl!! Did you go out with any of the young men who asked you out? If so, how was it?
Nicole, why is age even an issue for you. If you connect, you connect, All the women in my family are older than the men, I have always been attracted to younger men and my husband was 5 years younger than me. It's great that you feel chemistry with this man. Enjoy, age is just a number, not a feeling between two people
@ Karine, You’re right, age “is” just a number…you cannot control or dictate chemistry/attraction. The issue is wondering why he’s present in my life right now, and what is purpose is in my life’s journey.
Flip the coin. What purpose are you playing are you playing in his life and what role in his journey?
Ten years difference? That's not so bad at all. It seems to be the thing now for some reason. Are the younger girls that bad? I don't know, but I know I turn the young guys down way more than men my age. I am 48 by the way and have had them as young as 20 hot on my trail.
I don't believe in accidents. If he is part of your journey, embrace it. As you know we usually don't know what their purpose is until much later down the road. I say have fun and explore it further, but slowly as we do with any man.
Looking forward to chapter 2 of this story.
@ Robin, I know ten years isn’t bad and you’re right, I feel there is a purpose to all of this and I am opening myself to embrace it. I’ve had tons of younger men chasing me and this one feels a bit different so I would say that it is something about my life’s path I need to learn. Yeah, I’m looking forward to see how this unfolds.
Wow, Nicole, I'm truly surprise you are ambiguous about something so irrelevant as age, especially in this situation. He's not 19, and you aren't 66. He appears to be able to handle you. He obviously turns you on, and vice versa. There are men your age, you haven't matured to the level of a 13 year old. Go for it and enjoy, meanwhile continue to circular date. BTW, does he know of this blog? I certainly hope not.
g
@ g.pavana, lol, no girl, he doesn’t know about this blog…this part of my life is none if his business..haha…this is exactly why he’s in the background…
I say give him a chance and while taking it slow, ask God for guidance and clarity. He could just be the
one! Have no fear.
@ Fran, thank you for you comment and yes, I will definitely take it sloooowwww…:)
Hi,
I think it's worth giving him a chance since there is mutual attraction here.
The age never shows how mature the person is. It's his actions that tell you what type of person he is.
@ Riri, age IS just a number for sure. There are many guys who may be older but lack maturity. How about you, would you date a younger man?
Since my divorce the men that are attracted to me are 20 somethings. I am 37 and have dated as young as 22. Give it a shot. The best time I have had since my divorce was 23 years old. He was fun to be around and was very energetic. If he likes you and it does not bother him why shoukld it bother you. Have fun! Good Luck!
@ Val, funny how the 20 somethings run down women in their 30′s, like a wolf pack, lol…
gf I love you let your higher soul guide you let go an enjoy what you have created as ther is only one of here. WOULD YOU REGRET THIS . Look at your life from 100 ,WOULD you REGRET not healing what you need to with this beautiful soul ,giving you an oppunity to heal the greatness in you .love julia hik
Look at your life from 100 ,WOULD you REGRET not healing what you need to with this beautiful soul ,giving you an oppunity to heal the greatness in you .love julia hik
@ Julia,
Your words are profound…I really believe now that this is an opportunity for healing, a soul journey of sorts…do you have any additional thoughts on this?
Hi Nicole,
So long as you want the same things, and are on the same wavelength, age shouldn't matter. I once had a work colleague 10 years older than her husband, and their age gap wasn't even apparent because it was never an issue in their relationship.
Younger men have always pursue me becaue I look young. I'm currently dating a man 7 years younger than myself, and I resisted him for a long time because the gap was bigger than I was used to, but he makes me feel like there is no gap. His maturity and wisdom exceeds most guys around his age I know and he's taught me more about myself than all the guys I've dated in the past!
That made me think twice about stereotyping younger men.
I say go for it, you might miss out on the love of your life if you don't
All the best!
Viv,
Yes, there have been alot of stereotypes in the past in our culture around these kinds of relationships but it is rapidly shifting as many challenge these beliefs. Thank you for your comment!!
I think you should go for it treading slowly and cautiously. I'm in a similar situation. I'm 38 still in the "getting to know you" phase with a 24-year-old. We have much in common and he now makes me smile even when I think of him. He tells me he wants that "in love" feeling again, which has me to believe he's not about the sex or hit and quit it. Yes, we've kissed once but rest assured it wasn't on the first date. At times it seems like he's nervous around me but he's so open and comfortable in his speaking. I'm not as much sexually charged with him as any other guy, but he is damned sexy to look at.
My dilema is that I don't feel he's established enough to handle dating an older woman. Sure spending time with him in the parkis nice but I enjoy things like dinner out, movies, happy hour, etc. He tells me he grew up on clubs so he's over that and doesn't drink. Plus he's going back to school next year.
Right now I'm just enjoying the attention and his consistancy and seeing where his head really is.