He Broke Your Heart? What to Do
I vivdly remember being curled up on the bathroom floor in a pool of tears for hours.
It was past midnight and my kids were asleep. My son was turning 10 months and my daughter was 5. I was just told by my ex husband that he no longer wanted to be apart of our marriage. This happened in 2006. After trying to reason with him for hours to understand what he really meant, the physical shock took over and I was so emotionally exhausted, layed there trembling like a cold wet leaf and cried until I could hardly breathe.
Some relationships are easy to get over and others aren't.
I remember only crying this hard a few other times in my life and I couldn't imagine having to go through a breakup on that scale. In fact, I spent about 6 whole months to one year feeling completely destroyed over losing that relationship and about 3 to 6 months in tears.
I couldn't really understand what I did wrong to deserve all of that pain. I couldn't grasp why everything appeared to be going fine between us one minute and the next minute we were officially done. We were together for almost 11 years including dating. The news came out of nowhere for me and pounded on me like an unrelenting storm threatening to defragment and destroy me from the core.
I don't really talk about this very much to those who don't know me well, but I want to help you. I wanted to share my journey with you to help you move past your pain if you've been stabbed in the back, kicked in the stomach, slapped in the face, or felt the fangs of pain of a breakup between you and a man you really and truly love and care about. Maybe you're still in a relationship and your man's said and done some hurtful things towards you and you can't get past it. Maybe you felt he was insensitve, uncaring, your communication is going downhil and he isn't meeting your needs for love and support. Maybe your man cheated on you or even physically abused you.
Alot of you are angry because you're faced with having a man make huge promises to you and he didn't fulfill his end of the bargain. You're probably wondering why some men do what they do or don't keep their word. I'm sure it pisses you off when you had your hopes up or had him come towards you and raised your expectations but them drop you like a bomb or completely vanished.
You are not alone. I'm here to tell you that despite the seething pain in your gut you can't seem to forget or get over, you have the power to release yourself from that pain through learning how to let go. It's difficult to hear, but at this point in your life journey, you can either learn to let go or die emotionally. If you choose to hold on, you will create more resistance in your life, your relationship and yourself. As you read futher, you'll see how holding onto anger literally made me sick.
I saw my ex husband regularly right after the split because we share custody with our children but I didn't talk to him face to face for at least 1 year. And I didn't have him come to my place for about 1 year after that to pick up the kids. I had a designated spot where we would meet up and for at least two years and during that time I probably used up all of the profane words in the dictionary when I'd talk about him and even invented a few of my own. I even remember one Christmas, my kids brought home "presents" from the woman he was now seeing and I literally flipped out. I called him on the phone and blasted him. I hated him with a passion…actually I think "HATE" is a mild word compared to how I really felt about him.
I loathe him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought he was a g$@* sob loser from hell who deserved to be miserable his whole life and on top of this, have his balls cut off and fed to crocodiles..and on top of this, have crocodiles eat him alive while I watched in laughter. I really wanted him to SUFFER in hell and have gremlins pull his limbs off one by one then feed him hot coals while he beg for mercy. Everytime I'd see him I'd think, "You make me sick you bastard!!"
I hated him with every fiber of my being and felt this hatred towards him until my body started breaking down.
I started having all sorts of aches and pains in my body, infections, low energy, fatigue, dizzy spells, you name it. The pain in my tailbone was especially excruciating and I couldn't actually sit properly for about 3 to 4 months. I did an xray and they found nothing. In retrospect, the anger I held towards him began to take form in my body creating massive imbalances and one day I made the connection that I needed to let it go.
At that time, I was having one health crisis after the next for no apparent reason and wanted anything to help. I ended up in Emergency a few times because my heart was beating so fast, I thought I was having a heart attack. I had weekly doctor visits and they ran all sorts of tests. Intuitively, I knew, I had to move past the hurt and anger in order to begin healing my body. I had NO peace whatsoever and it began affecting my sleeping patterns which made me damn mad that I had to feel the emotional pain of being hurt by him as well as the ongoing physical problems in my body.
While wondering what was happening to my body, a little song from my childhood came back to me, "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me." That song literally haunted me. It chased me down until I began actually singing it. I had been angry for too long. It was time to let go. It was time to surrender. It was time to really move forward. It was time to learn whatever lesson life was teaching me about myself. It was time to BECOME PEACE.
I realized that if I wanted peace in my life, I had to become peace. At the time, I still felt uneasy seeing him. I saw him about 3 times a week. But I needed peace and I sought that within myself not him. I didn't ask to talk to him about all of the stuff he'd done nor have a conversation with him around what took place. I didn't demand an apology/respect or try to set up any more RULES about what he should or shouldn't do. It was time to move beyond this. I realized that I was causing my own suffering and I had to either come into alignment with the universal laws of peace and happiness or continue to suffer.
So I would meditate on that little song as well as the attributes of PEACE itself. I would think on peace consistently, saturate my mind in it and sing that little song: "Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me."
My song was my prayer. It was my request and I was ready to create a peaceful environment inside of myself inspite of what he'd done.
In addition to this, I started immersing myself in understanding my true identity – the KEY element, I WAS BIGGER THAN ANGER. I WAS BIGGER THAN A BROKEN HEART. I met a mentor who guided me into a real understanding that everything is created in the mind. And as I shifted my focus on the truth about myself and about him, the anger, fear, hurt, pain, feelings of abandonment, rejection etc..slowly started to melt away.
I started to offer up prayers of blessings for him and began being thankful for his financial support because I realized that my freedom began in the invisible world. It worked. It didn't happen immediately, but I was so determined to have peace within myself that I completely and fully embraced the teachings of my mentor. My Mentor taught me that I was already whole and perfect and my ex husband was too. Kinda hard to grasp when you're pissed to the max, I know, but when it became a reality inside my mind, my feelings of wrath, anger, bitterness soon began melting away and my ex husband changed right before my eyes.
He became more considerate, he would go out of his way if I asked him for a favor and even volunteer. It has been about 1 year since this shift took place in me and I can't remember the last time my ex husband said no to me. Before I worked on my mindset, there was no way in hell he would even volunteer to do anything because he just saw a shipwreck. He just saw and experienced an angry and bitter woman who couldn't let go or move on.
I realized with so much certainty what Don Miguel Ruiz writes in his book, The 4 Agreements:
Agreement 2
"Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering."
I began to grasp that what he did had nothing to do with me. It appeared that HE was the one who HURT me BUT when I saw the truth about myself, I realized that the real me cannot be hurt. He made a choice because of his own life path. He wanted to live a different reality and his decision was a projection of his dream to create a different lifestyle.
When I got my mind around the fact that I was creating my own pain because of my own projection, "past" baggage and emotional issues AND that his decision had nothing to do with me, I was one step closer to freedom. What made me FREE is BECOMING PEACE.
You may be in tears right now because you were abandoned or had promises made to you that was never fulfilled. Maybe you have hot tears streaming down your face as you read these words. You feel you can't let go or you've tried many times and you're still stuck.
There are many other strategies I used to rise above the pain and move on to where I now date worry free. Before I let go of my anger I used to date and it was like a nightmare. Then I discovered some secret tools to change all that.
Imagine moving beyond your hurt and pain into complete freedom. Just imagine going from feeling sad, rejected, abandoned, worthless to being happy and empowered again.
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im sorry you had such a hard time. im nearly seven mnths into the break up with my ex, i know exactly where you are coming from when you say you only cried that hard a few times in your life. I dont think i ever cried as hard as i did when he broke up with me. 3 years down the toilet, i spent five mnths trying to get him to talk and work things out. to no avail. i just hurt for longer than he did. I cant be angry though, still cry now and again but determined to move on and have a better relationship with someone. Wish you luck too. Starting to date again worries the hell out of me. my kids are grown up but i dont have friends to go out with and only met my ex through work. x
@jo, thanks for your comments. There is a secret to dating completely worry free. I didn’t realize this when I first got back into the dating scene myself, but if you begin to implement a secret mindset, all of your worries will fly out the window.
Love,
Nicole
I was in a relationship for 5 years and off and on altogether for 10 years. I allowed myself to get deep and in all honesty we had ongoing issues. We had a son and I feel stuck like I secretly want him back and I know I need to move on. I really want to know the secret to moving forward with no pain attached. I ve started to speak peace into my life.