How to Be Successful with Online Dating
It is now reported that at least 12% of marriages in the US alone result from online dating. This is a huge number! Imagine all of the relationships that didn't end in marriage but are long-term. And imagine the possibility for you if you're single and want companionship.
There are many many couples who are meeting and starting a relationship online. Just be aware of what's out there, and always remain open to possibilities even if you've heard or experienced negative things from it. Don't ever shut your options off.
What happened recently – abnormal "normal"
There are alot of men who really believe they are "normal" or behave normally when it comes to how they relate to women. You can probably count on more than 10 fingers the guys who you end up connecting with who were either weird, wussies, psychos, nut cases, or drama king kongs . Far be it from me to say that many many men online are just plain "weird", more like smeagle from the Lord of the Rings..lol..but there are actually some "good" potential, if you are willing to risk weeding out the bad and ugly from the good.
I got a guy sending me an email telling me that he'd like to lick my clit..and here's my response to him: " – operation (abnormal!!!)
Plus I had tons of younger men who wanted to "hang" out with an older woman,(I'm 37).. uhmmmm, really? Do you just want to hang out? Or do you want something else? Alot of these men were in their early 20's. btw..I'm not against younger men dating older women, I think it's awesome if both respect and value each other and have alot to offer each other. I also love younger men!
Here's how it went with one guy:
Him: hey your very cute and would love to know if you like younger men? i think me and you would have great chemistry together…
Me: Are you really 22?
Him: ya im really 22 do you like it?
Me: Hey there, tell me, what are the top 3 things you find attractive in women?
Him: her eyes, legs, and ass… what you like in a man?
Me: I'm leeary of younger guys who are just looking for a f$%k buddy or looking to score..what are you about?
Him: im a regular guy my age… i have good friends and a job. just want to try something new with a really hot women…
Me: ok..I don't mind that..as long as you don't think you are entitled to sex just because we hang out, I'm cool with that..
Him: ya im cool with that… ill put in work for you. im going out soon… what you doing today?
Me: My day's busy, just hopped on pof to check my mail…Have you ever hung out with an older woman?
Him: yaa 1 one and it was cool… im looking forward to see what you having going on… when you want to hang out?
Me: Leave your number and we can connect from there..What is your name?…mine is Nic..
Him: im kevin but my cell recently broke so msg me here is the best way
Me: ok..no thanks..sorry, heard that line before, have fun on here..
Him: hey i didnt get your last msg? lets have some fun together
Me: My last message is: I am not interested in men who tell me their phone is broken and that I need to use pof to get in touch with them…this doesn't work for me:))
Him: hey i really wish we could talk some more
Me: You really dont' have a phone? c'mon, that's quite "weird"…
Him: yaa i dont have one…i dunno is it a big deal? dont think you should let that stop you from wanting to see me
Me: this sounds like smeagol talk..lol.."my precious, my precioussss"….If you're not a man enough to have a phone, you definitely will be wasting my time:)
When he wants you to call him but don't call back
I've had many consistent experiences like the one above and here's another example you may relate to. This guy contacted me and he seemed "normal" – we spoke back and forth for about a week, then he was going away and left his number. He asked me to call him early the following week so I did on Tuesday afternoon. Again, he sounded quite normal on the answering machine but a few days go by and he didn't call back. This may not come as a surprise to many of you because in our modern dating culture, men feel entitled to want our attention, give us their word or make plans but many don't follow through with it. In general men do not feel obligated to women they view as strangers. This is true even if they've been dating you for sometime. It is very easy for men since in reality they are socialized to see women as objects and being online is an extension of this "plastic" reality.
So in order to "save" this man from another dating mistake with other women and see how he'd respond, I contacted him again via text letting him know I'm a dating coach.
Here's what I said:
"I'm actually a dating coach who went on pof to study the behavior of men likeyou..I'm curious if it's normal for you to give out your number, close your profile and not call the women you contact back…"
I'm surprised he actually responded to the text..I thought it was strange because I left a message but he didn't return my call..but my text called him out on his behavior so he responded in detailed letting me know he was sorry but he was new to the site and there was alot of experiences that weren't "normal" for him. He basically rationalized his behavior and tried to defend himself when I told him I have a blog and he should check it out. In the end, he seemed like a normal guy who was really out of touch with what it means to date with authenticity. As women we are socialized to communicate our intentions, men on the other hand don't feel they have to "answer" to women, and I encountered more than one example of this. There are many men who'll say they'll call and won't or have you call them and not call you back.
If you are communicating with men online and you get to the point where he either gave you his number or you exchanged numbers,a quick reply of "no" interest is more respectful than no reply at all.
When he hangs out with you once or twice then expects sex
If you don't already know, or a woman in total denial, men date for sex. This is their first and top priority. They do not hang out with you or date you because they want a family. A man won't see himself walking down the isle because he went a few dates with you and this is why I am so totally against the Cinderella Complex where women are hung up on finding "Mr. Right" or finding "The One" – I'm all for you wanting to find a loving partner, but I don't think having the Zeus Complex where you lock yourself and options out because you meet this "guy" who seems great is good for your life or the planet for that matter..lolzz…don't do it!
Fairytales should be banned! They do more harm than good to women and Kenology is an absolute joke!
Do not lose yourself in a man, do not hang on his potential or close down all of your options, and do not allow him to be your "world" or "complete" you. You will grow bitter and rsentment when your bubble bust and realize that you were just in a dream world.
The majority of men date with the idea of getting laid but it is how you respond to him that will make the difference in how he relates to you. If you feel that giving him sex will make him feel more attraction for you, it won't. It's just the same as sleeping him him and have him ask you to be exclusive, it doesn't mean that he'll end up being the one. You just have to be realistic while dating and understand there are no guarantees. You have to just continually keep an open mind, have fun, have clear boundaries, and take a break if you find it becomes too overwhelming.
Here's what a very clever man had to say about one of my post on facebook about men and dating, it is titled "Top Reasons Guys Date You"
"I read your blog post and I have a slightly different opinion. I think ALL men (90%) date because they want to get laid. It's their other motives you are trying to discern. I think it's easy for women to forget this first rule of being a man. They get confused and often think that because a man wants to get laid he doesn't want anything else. Don't get lost in that extreme. Don't get mad at a man because he's a sexual animal. Celebrate this because otherwise you'll probably be miserable when you choose some guy that lacks assertiveness and you settle for a sexless marriage. Many men get written off because they are sexually assertive and women think they can't be trusted. They may not be trustworthy, but you can't tell that from their sex drive. Just because you sleep with him on the first date doesn't mean that's all he wants."
There were some really great guys also and I will continue to share my experiences. The most important lessons to take away from it all is to have a realistic approach to dating and relationships. Just because a man seems great online, doesnt mean he'll be great in person. You may not have chemistry with him once you actually "see" him in person, so it's best to just take it slow and have no expectations when it comes to the experience.
I think if you go into it as making it test to see what's out there and have an open mind to see where it all leads PLUS keep yourself as your number one priority, follow your gut, and honor your boundaries and values, you may just find what you're really looking for.
Please share this post with your friends on facebook if you thought it was helpful as 1 in 5 relationships start online these days and I think the numbers are increasing as we speak.
Good luck and check out Evan Mark Katz program to help you date smart online:)
To your success,